Great news user! OnlyFalzons.com has been sold to the Abu Dhabi Investment Authority!

OnlyFalzons Sold to private equity!

OnlyFalzons.com has been sold to Private Equity.

Rest assured user, this will only bring imporovbem,etns to the website and will only be positivbe.

So what does this mean for OnlyFalzons going forward?

HQ

A few things are going to be changing. As of December 14th 2025, The new CEO of onlyfalzons.com will be entering the brand new office. Of course this does mean we will be laying off all of our staff and moving our headquarters to dubai. The location of said office can be found here.

Staff

As mentioned previously, we will be laying off all of our current staff including our current CEO, Sheeppins. No packages for laid off staff will be handed out at this current point in time. All previously filled positions will soon be replaced by OpenAI LLM's. Trust us, this is good for all of us here at ADIA!

Our CEO Sheeppins aka REKRAPLOOKALIKE

Example of OnlyFalzons stock going up.

Going Public

Our new overlords have made the supreme executive descression to take OnlyFalzons.com public.

This decesssion will ensure that all desccessions going foward will provide maximum value to both you, the user, and ADIA. Investors will be receiving free OnlyFalzons content as of the 16th of December, 2025.